you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
