apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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