Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the raccoons are back...
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