my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
