she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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