I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
