Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
