Will you blow on my dice?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
