If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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