you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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