you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
