You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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