they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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