he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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