He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
