So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
