she looked like the before picture.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
