after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
