Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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