Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
