I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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