I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
