i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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