Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
