If that was your dad, he is hot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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