Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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