'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
