Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
