Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize