Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
