It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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