I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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