sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
