You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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