Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
