yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
