I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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