woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
