He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
