actually, I'm a sock model
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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