Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
