nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
