I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you traded sex for a burrito?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
