Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
