He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
