just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
