She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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