it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
