omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
