i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
