Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
