I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
