Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
