Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
