We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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