quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
