If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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